How was your May Day comrade?

Greetings fellow comrades and toiling intellectuals, how did you May Day celebrations go? Did your International Workers’ Day celebrations include arson re-decorating, rioting peaceful protest, and looting the redistribution of property like May Day celebrations in Oakland? Did you convince shop owners, businessmen, and neo-Kulaks to stop making so much profit and be more generous to the proletariat? Are you concerned enough about the revolution and devoted to the Party like so many in Seattle? Many of our revolutionary brothers were courageous enough to take the fight to the enemy and pelt officers of the Seattle Police Department with rocks, sticks, and wrenches thus dealing many stinging blows. Are you dedicated comrade?

A valiant Hero of Socialist Labor, a true People's Hero liberating property from the bourgeois elements.
A valiant Hero of Socialist Labor, a true People’s Hero liberating property from the bourgeois elements.
Look at the good work our fellow revolutionaries in Seattle are performing. Surely, many jobs will be created from all the smashed windows and other damaged property.
Look at the good work our fellow revolutionaries in Seattle are performing. Surely, many jobs will be created from all the smashed windows and other damaged property.
Typical, unwarranted  police oppression against our fellow comrades.
Typical, unwarranted police oppression against our fellow comrades.

There were also many proles picketing for higher wages and change in a much less deliberate fashion. Many of them were decrying that people working at low-level retail and food-service jobs aren’t earning $15/hr while CEO’s (greedy bastards) are earning much larger sums of money. Other members of the proletariat were protesting against capitalism and making progress in general. The individuals who engaged in such activities are moving in the right direction, but are simply not dedicated enough. Their weak liberalism and soft communism may have to be cured with strong communism. Once the revolution is complete, a purge may be required to find those who are not dedicated enough.

Look, even Jesus demands that a $15/hr minimum wage be instituted!
Look, even Jesus demands that a $15/hr minimum wage be instituted!
Minimizing profit generation is a good start, but these comrades are not dedicated enough to the cause.
Minimizing profit generation is a good start, but these comrades are not dedicated enough to the cause.

Over in the Workers’ Paradise of Cuba, Dear Leader President Maduro and the Anointed One President Raul Castro celebrated the Party and revolution. Many thousands of loyal Party members marched in support of President Castro. Indeed, the May Day rally in Havana was a beautiful sight to behold. The head of the Cuban Workers’ Union vowed to oppose all destabilizing actions and any other activities that would violate Constitutional order. Indeed, any reports of sky-rocketing inflation, high default risks, a lack of basic goods, and oppression by the People’s Government in Venezuela are patently false and made up by Western, capitalist pigs.

Just look at these glorious Communist leaders. Raul Castro is looking especially vigorous.
Just look at these glorious Communist leaders. Raul Castro is looking especially vigorous.
Look at how happy these proles and future soldiers in the People's Army are!
Look at how happy these proles and future soldiers in the People’s Army are!

For those of you living in oppressive, imperialist, and capitalist countries still, don’t get to despondent. The glorious purge revolution will come soon enough. Try not to be too uppity if your family, friends and neighbors aren’t ready to join you in the glorious revolution. For anyone who needs some consolation and advice for those post May Day blues, report to the People’s Cube for re-education. Remember comrades, don’t forget to post any comments you may have. As always, ensure that you don’t commit any thoughcrime or act like a Kulak in need of liquidation.

The best banner of them all...
The best banner of them all…

One thought on “How was your May Day comrade?”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s