Tag: movies

cinema

I just saw “The Predator”

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I just saw The Predator a few nights ago and it was pretty awful. Where to start with this terrible, mind-numbing film? Is it the bad CGI of the spaceships chasing each other? Is it the fact that one of the Predators wanted to save humanity while simultaneously killing every human he passed by? Is it the fact that all of the horror and suspense elements have seemingly been replaced by bad lines and terrible, non-stop, and just confusing humor and jokes? The fact that a child with Asperger’s is a savant (oh yeah, it’s “the next step of human evolution“) that can in a few hours decipher an alien language and fully understand how to use technology developed by the Predators? Do you like references? Well I hope you do, because this movie is full of them (“Get to the choppers!” “You are one beautiful motherfucker.“) The tone of the movie was just so confusing and contrived; did Shane Black really star in the first Predator film? I don’t think he understands what made the first film the masterpiece that it is. I guess what a Predator film needed was humans jumping on a spaceship that can fly faster than any human jet or a man with Tourette syndrome for the sole purpose of comic relief (which magically goes away whenever the script demands it).

What more could you possibly ask for in a film?

cinema

Neil Breen is back!

Neil Breen is back with a work of sheer Breeness that must be seen to be believed. The new Breen film Twisted Pair looks like it will be even more amazing than his other films. Neil Breen isn’t just in the movie as one man anymore, now there’s two people to play as God Space Jesus world’s best hacker best spy ever Neil Breen.

For those of you who don’t know how astounding and awesome Neil Breen and his films are you should take a look at Rich Evans trying to describe the plot of Double Down on Red Letter Media’s Best of the Worst:

More people need to learn about this man and his wonderful films. More people need to learn about how amazing Neil Breen is at everything he does and how he’s also Space Jesus:

Please, pay this man’s website a visit. He even has an AOL e-mail account!

Buy his films now!!!

cinema

Hunter Killer (2018): Movie of the Year?

The men who brought you Olympus Has Fallen have got together once more to bring you another fine film with a story driven plot: Hunter Killer (2018)! The plot of saving the Russian President from a coup and bringing him onto a submarine looks like it will be as realistic as all of the actions performed by the submarines and Navy SEALs in the trailer. They even throw in an ooh-rah at the end of the trailer, what a fine touch!

The most realistic shot of a submarine ever put onto film.

Then there’s this amazing film synopsis from Fandango. Doesn’t this movie just look like it’s going to be amazing?!

Synopsis

An untested American submarine captain teams with U.S. Navy Seals to rescue the Russian president, who has been kidnapped by a rogue general.

Provided by Rovi

On a non-sarcastic note, this film looks like it might be a so bad it’s good film or some good, fun, action schlock straight out of the 1980s.

I did not edit this poster; they all say “Common” to the right of Gary Oldman.
cinema, Humor

Twelve years a boy

Some of you may have heard about the film Boyhood and all of the accolades that it’s gotten, for some reason. If you’re a film critic, you love this movie because it took twelve years to make and no other film has charted boyhood and growing up in a similar manner before. You’ll become engrossed in the story of a boring child who turns into an Emo that you can’t stand who’s surrounded by far more interesting characters. You won’t get to spend much time with the more interesting characters, you’ll get to watch the “star” of the film: recite bad dialogue, party, not actually learn any lessons, and become a loser who’s interested in photography. You’ll most certainly be able to draw parallels between Mason’s extremely interesting (and fake) life experiences and your own pathetic existence and/or childhood.

This film most certainly deserved to win a Golden Globe for best picture. Obviously, no other films were more deserving, nothing else at all came out that was more interesting or had a real/better plot. Remember, it’s a big deal because it took twelve years to make. Richard Linklater certainly deserves more cash for producing such a thought provoking and original film. Speaking of provoking thoughts, let’s ask some film experts just how great Boyhood was shall we?

But of course, Boyhood was a superior film to Guardians of the Galaxy.

Critics, they always make the right calls.