Tag: cinema

Hunter Killer (2018): Movie of the Year?

The men who brought you Olympus Has Fallen have got together once more to bring you another fine film with a story driven plot: Hunter Killer (2018)! The plot of saving the Russian President from a coup and bringing him onto a submarine looks like it will be as realistic as all of the actions performed by the submarines and Navy SEALs in the trailer. They even throw in an ooh-rah at the end of the trailer, what a fine touch!

The most realistic shot of a submarine ever put onto film.

Then there’s this amazing film synopsis from Fandango. Doesn’t this movie just look like it’s going to be amazing?!

Synopsis

An untested American submarine captain teams with U.S. Navy Seals to rescue the Russian president, who has been kidnapped by a rogue general.

Provided by Rovi

On a non-sarcastic note, this film looks like it might be a so bad it’s good film or some good, fun, action schlock straight out of the 1980s.

I did not edit this poster; they all say “Common” to the right of Gary Oldman.

Disney’s Star Wars Han Solo Standalone Movie Ideas

Another year passes, another Star Wars movie gets to be made. This time there’s going to be a “standalone” film about Han Solo that takes place at some point in time with a plot that will probably be total garbage. These movies just need to stop being made and there’s really nothing I can say that Rich and Mike won’t do in a much funnier way. Disney sucks:

 

Bonus video:

Scientist Man explains Ghostbusters (2016)

Did you dislike the new Ghostbusters film? If so, you’re an overweight, virginal, Ku Klux Klan, basement dwelling, toy-unboxer who hates women and black people.   Remember, you aren’t allowed to have your own opinions if they contradict against feminism. Let us listen to Scientist Man as he analyzes and explains the new Ghostbusters film in great detail:

If you have some extra time, feel free to enjoy this Half in the Bag episode:

Some of the best comments:

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It’s simply amazing that a film like Ghostbusters was politicized and turned into some sort of fight against “misogyny” and “patriarchy.” This is where we’re at; this is where feminists have brought us. What came first: the feminist angle or just a bad film? Why not both at the same time?

A new Star Wars film is upon us…

The Force Awakens is about to be shown in theaters and luckily, it has zero influence from George Lucas. Will this new Star Wars movie be good? Will it be a salve upon the mental wounds caused by the awful prequels? Will the characters in The Force Awakens at least be somewhat likable? Will the plot move beyond what a ten-year old would write? Only time will tell but in the meantime let’s look at what Mr. Plinkett has to say about the prequels. If you haven’t watched these Red Letter Media productions you need to. If you’re wrong and think that the prequels were better Mr. Plinkett will prove you wrong. Enjoy, learn, and be mesmerized by the magic of Mr. Plinkett!

Don’t be an idiot hipster like the Nostalgia Critic:

Welcome back, Star Wars!

Are you ready for more sequels this movie season? It doesn’t matter since it’s happening anyway! Are you ready to see more Star Wars merchandise than ever before? If not, get ready to see as much stuff from the movie as possible turned into toys, video games, and other products. But hey, at least George Lucas doesn’t have anything to do with the Star Wars franchise anymore. Hopefully, J.J. Abrams won’t pull a Jar-Jar. Enjoy!

Matt Damon wanted to be Daredevil

It’s probably good that Damon didn’t take the role of Daredevil in that horrid 2003 movie. Matt Damon had the following to say about being offered the role of Daredevil: “But when that one came along (in 2003) I chickened out, because I couldn’t tell. I hadn’t seen the director (Mark Steven Johnson’s) work and I didn’t know. So I just said, ‘No,…'” Ben Affleck had the following to say about that creative masterpiece known as the Daredevil movie: “It just kills me. I love that story, that character. And the fact that it got f—ed up the way it did stays with me,…” I know that I’ve already gone over Ben Affleck’s bad year (2003) filled with movies like Pearl Harbor, Gigli, and Daredevil, but certain things cannot be forgotten. At least Mark Steven Johnson has nothing to do with making Batman VS Superman.

Yahoo! Movies-Matt Damon Passed on “Daredevil” Role That Went To Ben Affleck

I mean really, who “kicks ass to Nickelback“?

What was the thought process behind this movie?

For the low, low price of $2.99 you can watch Daredevil on YouTube. What a deal!

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Did you understand Terminator Genisys?

I just finished watching Terminator Genisys and while mildly entertained was not really satisfied with the film. I think that I just watched it out of a feeling of nostalgia rather then expecting a great film. So many terminators, causality loops, a T-3000 nanite, and a lot of time machines make up this movie. It also would’ve been nice if the trailers hadn’t given away so much. I could try to continue to explain my feelings towards this film but the fine folks at Red Letter Media have done a great job of explaining the plot of this film. Hopefully, the plot of the film will be made clear to you.

I really have to wonder what the impetus behind this film and its plot was. I wonder how much of the audience is impressed by Terminator Genisys? Have any of you reading this watched Terminator Genisys?

How has Adam Sandler ruined your life?

I’m amazed that film studios are willing to give Adam Sandler more money to take vacations with his friends and film it. With poor films like: Jack and Jill, Grown Ups, Grown Ups 2, That’s My Boy, and You Don’t Mess with the Zohan it really is astonishing that people consider Adam Sandler to be talented. But then there are idiots that think Fifty Shades of Gray has good literary qualities to it, so perhaps it isn’t so astonishing? The world is just full of idiots that are willing to give their money to folks such as Adam Sandler and Stephenie Meyer it seems. If nothing else, Adam Sandler is a good businessman who knows how to keep the cash coming in.

I could take the time to describe why Adam Sandler’s “comedy films” are nothing more than juvenile humor that has no real talent. Many others (especially the folks at Red Letter Media) have taken the time to dissect and suffer through numerous Adam Sandler movies so that you don’t have to. Please, stop giving your money to Adam Sandler.

I’ve already posted this video, but here it is again:

I’ve never understood the fascination…

Why do people like Fifty Shades of Grey again? What’s so good about horribly written fan-fiction based upon an old woman’s fantasy about dating a vampire? Let’s ask some experts and take a look at some of the horrible lines from the movie and/or book:

Here are some movie critic thoughts I glanced at from Rotten Tomatoes:

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Here are some thoughts from regular people:

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Idiots like this are why that no talent hack E.L. James is able to make money:

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I’m trying not to laugh to hard at how this idea of “Mommy Porn” is being presented. I’m sure that there’s much better erotica and porn out there, but if someone wants to waste their money…

Twelve years a boy

Some of you may have heard about the film Boyhood and all of the accolades that it’s gotten, for some reason. If you’re a film critic, you love this movie because it took twelve years to make and no other film has charted boyhood and growing up in a similar manner before. You’ll become engrossed in the story of a boring child who turns into an Emo that you can’t stand who’s surrounded by far more interesting characters. You won’t get to spend much time with the more interesting characters, you’ll get to watch the “star” of the film: recite bad dialogue, party, not actually learn any lessons, and become a loser who’s interested in photography. You’ll most certainly be able to draw parallels between Mason’s extremely interesting (and fake) life experiences and your own pathetic existence and/or childhood.

This film most certainly deserved to win a Golden Globe for best picture. Obviously, no other films were more deserving, nothing else at all came out that was more interesting or had a real/better plot. Remember, it’s a big deal because it took twelve years to make. Richard Linklater certainly deserves more cash for producing such a thought provoking and original film. Speaking of provoking thoughts, let’s ask some film experts just how great Boyhood was shall we?

But of course, Boyhood was a superior film to Guardians of the Galaxy.

Critics, they always make the right calls.