Category: Humor

Voxis Production’s “The Predator” Review

A few days ago I wrote a short post about my cringe-inducing viewing experience of The Predator and how absolutely terrible it was. During the process of writing that post one of the better film reviews I’ve seen recently was taken down just a few hours after being posted. I guess that non-nudity was too much for someone to handle. It’s made by a growing channel on YouTube called Voxis Productions that does some pretty good work and is well worth your time.

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Alright, I promise I’ll stop talking about the Predator franchise for a while now. I just can’t stand how many terrible sequels that there have been to the first amazing film. I even thought that the second movie still held up pretty well and built on the lore in nice ways. Go to hell Hollywood. I do have one last thought roiling in my mind before I leave this films series though: can Hollywood be consistent on sexual predators? A scene that had a man by the name of Steve Wilder (sex offender who actually served some time) was cut from the movie right before its release. Why does Hollywood accept convicted rapist Roman Polanski who fled the country to escape prosecution though? Just some food for thought I suppose.

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Thoughts on “The Predator” Final Trailer

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What’s Hollywood up to today? How about another Predator film but this time I can’t even tell how I’m supposed to feel about it. The final trailer has rap music and almost makes the film feel like a comedy. It wasn’t enough for Fox to produce AVP and AVP Requiem, now it needs to feel like a slapstick with a bunch of comedic gags. So much for that feeling of horror and suspense, what we need is excessive CGI effects and constant jokes. Maybe they’ll just stop one of these days? I’ll watch this movie tomorrow anyway just to see if it turns out horrible or as a decent film.

I mean, it can’t be worse than Slenderman:

Internet Insanity: Kurt Eichenwald (In two parts)

I’ve stumbled across two really amazing videos on a channel I just found a few days ago about what has to be the world’s most bizarre insane frothing unhinged weird bizarre interesting reporter to have lived in all of human history. I could try and summarize these two videos and the incidents surround Kurt Eichenwald but why even try? Where would I start? Would I talk about his glorious interview on Tucker Carlson Tonight about a Tweet of his claiming that President Trump was checked into a mental hospital was “a signal to a source”? How about the time he paid thousands of dollars to a source of his who was a child involved in porn? How about posting up a photo on Twitter that inadvertently illustrated his use of hentai to show his wife that tentacle porn exists? The story of how Kurt Eichenwald obliterated his own career and utterly fell apart is simply amazing.

Really, you have to watch both of these videos.

For a guy who uses Twitter so much it’s interesting that he now wants to boycott it. Perhaps he’ll stop acting like such an idiot? No, he’ll just slip up again. Let’s look at some of his wonderful Twitter activity though:

Just know that almost 450k people follow this man’s words on Twitter. Perhaps they’re doing it ironically?

What a great source of entertainment this man is:

Here’s the full Tucker Carlson interview for anyone that’s interested in watching the entire dumpster fire:

Disney’s Star Wars Han Solo Standalone Movie Ideas

Another year passes, another Star Wars movie gets to be made. This time there’s going to be a “standalone” film about Han Solo that takes place at some point in time with a plot that will probably be total garbage. These movies just need to stop being made and there’s really nothing I can say that Rich and Mike won’t do in a much funnier way. Disney sucks:

 

Bonus video:

Feel the Bern, V5.0

Greetings comrades! It’s been a while since I’ve made a post and even longer since I’ve made one of any real substance. This post will just be some pictorial propaganda and for the next week or so it’ll be a while before I get back to making posts regularly. As always, don’t forget to vote for the most Stalinist candidate possible, support the Party, give up all your income, and be sure to spread this post amongst your progressive fiends. Enjoy!

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It had to happen sometime…
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You might not realize it, but government control of your life is what you want. What kind of thoughtkriminal wants freedom anyway?

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Bernie’s true enemies: mathematics and geography!

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We’ve been through this before…

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Don’t forget to show you support for Bernie and his Sandroids by visiting Economic Illiterates for Bernie Sanders 2016!

Take the CheckMyPrivilege quiz now!

 

Have you always wanted to know how much of a bigoted, xenophobic, racist that you are? Now there’s a convenient quiz for you to take at CheckMyPrivilege.com! Isn’t this just wonderful comrade? This website has many more amazing features such as:

The Bill Split CalculatorNever again will you have to argue with your friends about how much the more privileged should have to chip in for the pizza because of their oppressive positions! Simply have your friends all Check Their Privilege, save their scores on the results page, and use the Calculator to determine how much they each owe! It couldn’t be simpler!

Campus Investigation Service-We can save you loads of headache and paperwork by keeping your administrative staff employed. Visit the Campus Investigations page and call today for a free consultation on how we can help you!

A link to a store that sells disgusting shirts that support the Patriachy©-We helpfully added a link to a store that sells disgusting patriarchal T-Shirts like the one worn by somebody that compensates for his manhood by building large phallic replacements and raping mother nature with them, so that you may more easily boycott such things.

It turns out that if you answer the questions with the jist of being a healthy, white, heterosexual male you get a score of 175 with the rank of “Shitlord“! Isn’t good for progressive and tolerant liberals to let you know how much they accept you?

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If you’re a healthy, genderqueer, non-working, Middle Eastern, Muslim, homosexual you get a score of -1275.

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If you’re a poor, female, cis-gendered, black/white, bisexual teacher you get a score of -875.

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Let’s read some testimonials from some proud patrons:

I still cannot believe how much society has lied to me. I used to think that being a white middle-classed German with a penis was ok, and that my life was ok. But since I never identified as a male, and honestly didn’t give a fuck about what gender I am, and am slightly physically hindered by a weak terminal desease, I was so wrong. It must have been the patriarchal internalised agenderphobia that lead me to believe this. Only know have I realised how oppressed I truely am! I will be starting my blog in the next week, visit me there to witness me fighting patriarchal oppression of women and other gender minorities, please. This has changed my life, thank you, checkmyprivilege.com!

Benji

Never in my life have I ever come to the terms with the fact I was a shitlord. Ever since I was born I now realise, I have been oppressing and raping every woman I have ever laid eyes on. Only now do I realise just how oppressing I am despite being an ugly faced, disfigured, bisexual latino all because I was born a man. Thanks checkmyprivilege.com for helping me realise how oppressing I really am to all the woman of the world!

Pablo

Thanks Check My Privilege! I now know I am a fuck boy white cis scum male! 😀

ShitLordWhiteMale

Thank you Check My Privilege for affirming what I have known since 1990. As I continue on my unchecked march toward becoming a plutocrat, I pledge to prey on innocent young men to satiate my ravenous sexual appetite.

Priveleged Shit Baroness

As always, be sure to share this with your friends and aid in the re-education. Otherwise, get them some warm clothes and a shovel!

 

 

Social Justice Warrior demand and human “right” #267: Racial Profiling

Good afternoon comrades, today we’re going to go over yet another glorious social justice warrior demand: racial profiling. That’s right folks, social justice warriors are no demanding that you be able to correctly identify their exact race just by glancing at them. Nothing is more important to these young Party members than racial identification and a “sense of belonging” to a certain racial group. Simply talking with people as individual people instead of a collective is not possible for social justice warriors.

Never forget folks, we need to become a society that moves past race multicultural polycultural society. No matter what, Party members must always find a way to use the Race Card© and other non-arguments like “whitesplaining” and “mansplaining” to any who would dare oppose a progressive utopia.

Watch as this thoughtcriminal attempts to use logic and reason against valiant social justice warriors. Why doesn’t this wretched fiend Undoomed understand that logic and reason are the ideals of some dead, white males? Perhaps he needs a daily two minutes of hate?

Powerline Blog-Long Live the King

“In my safe space”

South Park can be a very visceral and vulgar show at times. South Park can also be very apt and on-point. What’s in your safe space?

Bully proof windows, Troll safe doors…

Are you PC, brah?

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The things that social justice warriors complain about never cease to amaze…

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I’ve never understood the fascination…

Why do people like Fifty Shades of Grey again? What’s so good about horribly written fan-fiction based upon an old woman’s fantasy about dating a vampire? Let’s ask some experts and take a look at some of the horrible lines from the movie and/or book:

Here are some movie critic thoughts I glanced at from Rotten Tomatoes:

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Here are some thoughts from regular people:

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Idiots like this are why that no talent hack E.L. James is able to make money:

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I’m trying not to laugh to hard at how this idea of “Mommy Porn” is being presented. I’m sure that there’s much better erotica and porn out there, but if someone wants to waste their money…

Twelve years a boy

Some of you may have heard about the film Boyhood and all of the accolades that it’s gotten, for some reason. If you’re a film critic, you love this movie because it took twelve years to make and no other film has charted boyhood and growing up in a similar manner before. You’ll become engrossed in the story of a boring child who turns into an Emo that you can’t stand who’s surrounded by far more interesting characters. You won’t get to spend much time with the more interesting characters, you’ll get to watch the “star” of the film: recite bad dialogue, party, not actually learn any lessons, and become a loser who’s interested in photography. You’ll most certainly be able to draw parallels between Mason’s extremely interesting (and fake) life experiences and your own pathetic existence and/or childhood.

This film most certainly deserved to win a Golden Globe for best picture. Obviously, no other films were more deserving, nothing else at all came out that was more interesting or had a real/better plot. Remember, it’s a big deal because it took twelve years to make. Richard Linklater certainly deserves more cash for producing such a thought provoking and original film. Speaking of provoking thoughts, let’s ask some film experts just how great Boyhood was shall we?

But of course, Boyhood was a superior film to Guardians of the Galaxy.

Critics, they always make the right calls.