Category: Humor

Disney’s Star Wars Han Solo Standalone Movie Ideas

Another year passes, another Star Wars movie gets to be made. This time there’s going to be a “standalone” film about Han Solo that takes place at some point in time with a plot that will probably be total garbage. These movies just need to stop being made and there’s really nothing I can say that Rich and Mike won’t do in a much funnier way. Disney sucks:

 

Bonus video:

Feel the Bern, V5.0

Greetings comrades! It’s been a while since I’ve made a post and even longer since I’ve made one of any real substance. This post will just be some pictorial propaganda and for the next week or so it’ll be a while before I get back to making posts regularly. As always, don’t forget to vote for the most Stalinist candidate possible, support the Party, give up all your income, and be sure to spread this post amongst your progressive fiends. Enjoy!

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It had to happen sometime…
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You might not realize it, but government control of your life is what you want. What kind of thoughtkriminal wants freedom anyway?

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Bernie’s true enemies: mathematics and geography!

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We’ve been through this before…

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Don’t forget to show you support for Bernie and his Sandroids by visiting Economic Illiterates for Bernie Sanders 2016!

Take the CheckMyPrivilege quiz now!

 

Have you always wanted to know how much of a bigoted, xenophobic, racist that you are? Now there’s a convenient quiz for you to take at CheckMyPrivilege.com! Isn’t this just wonderful comrade? This website has many more amazing features such as:

The Bill Split CalculatorNever again will you have to argue with your friends about how much the more privileged should have to chip in for the pizza because of their oppressive positions! Simply have your friends all Check Their Privilege, save their scores on the results page, and use the Calculator to determine how much they each owe! It couldn’t be simpler!

Campus Investigation Service-We can save you loads of headache and paperwork by keeping your administrative staff employed. Visit the Campus Investigations page and call today for a free consultation on how we can help you!

A link to a store that sells disgusting shirts that support the Patriachy©-We helpfully added a link to a store that sells disgusting patriarchal T-Shirts like the one worn by somebody that compensates for his manhood by building large phallic replacements and raping mother nature with them, so that you may more easily boycott such things.

It turns out that if you answer the questions with the jist of being a healthy, white, heterosexual male you get a score of 175 with the rank of “Shitlord“! Isn’t good for progressive and tolerant liberals to let you know how much they accept you?

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If you’re a healthy, genderqueer, non-working, Middle Eastern, Muslim, homosexual you get a score of -1275.

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If you’re a poor, female, cis-gendered, black/white, bisexual teacher you get a score of -875.

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Let’s read some testimonials from some proud patrons:

I still cannot believe how much society has lied to me. I used to think that being a white middle-classed German with a penis was ok, and that my life was ok. But since I never identified as a male, and honestly didn’t give a fuck about what gender I am, and am slightly physically hindered by a weak terminal desease, I was so wrong. It must have been the patriarchal internalised agenderphobia that lead me to believe this. Only know have I realised how oppressed I truely am! I will be starting my blog in the next week, visit me there to witness me fighting patriarchal oppression of women and other gender minorities, please. This has changed my life, thank you, checkmyprivilege.com!

Benji

Never in my life have I ever come to the terms with the fact I was a shitlord. Ever since I was born I now realise, I have been oppressing and raping every woman I have ever laid eyes on. Only now do I realise just how oppressing I am despite being an ugly faced, disfigured, bisexual latino all because I was born a man. Thanks checkmyprivilege.com for helping me realise how oppressing I really am to all the woman of the world!

Pablo

Thanks Check My Privilege! I now know I am a fuck boy white cis scum male! 😀

ShitLordWhiteMale

Thank you Check My Privilege for affirming what I have known since 1990. As I continue on my unchecked march toward becoming a plutocrat, I pledge to prey on innocent young men to satiate my ravenous sexual appetite.

Priveleged Shit Baroness

As always, be sure to share this with your friends and aid in the re-education. Otherwise, get them some warm clothes and a shovel!

 

 

Social Justice Warrior demand and human “right” #267: Racial Profiling

Good afternoon comrades, today we’re going to go over yet another glorious social justice warrior demand: racial profiling. That’s right folks, social justice warriors are no demanding that you be able to correctly identify their exact race just by glancing at them. Nothing is more important to these young Party members than racial identification and a “sense of belonging” to a certain racial group. Simply talking with people as individual people instead of a collective is not possible for social justice warriors.

Never forget folks, we need to become a society that moves past race multicultural polycultural society. No matter what, Party members must always find a way to use the Race Card© and other non-arguments like “whitesplaining” and “mansplaining” to any who would dare oppose a progressive utopia.

Watch as this thoughtcriminal attempts to use logic and reason against valiant social justice warriors. Why doesn’t this wretched fiend Undoomed understand that logic and reason are the ideals of some dead, white males? Perhaps he needs a daily two minutes of hate?

Powerline Blog-Long Live the King

“In my safe space”

South Park can be a very visceral and vulgar show at times. South Park can also be very apt and on-point. What’s in your safe space?

Bully proof windows, Troll safe doors…

Are you PC, brah?

#triggered 94 fuzzygaming Letho

The things that social justice warriors complain about never cease to amaze…

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I’ve never understood the fascination…

Why do people like Fifty Shades of Grey again? What’s so good about horribly written fan-fiction based upon an old woman’s fantasy about dating a vampire? Let’s ask some experts and take a look at some of the horrible lines from the movie and/or book:

Here are some movie critic thoughts I glanced at from Rotten Tomatoes:

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Here are some thoughts from regular people:

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Idiots like this are why that no talent hack E.L. James is able to make money:

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I’m trying not to laugh to hard at how this idea of “Mommy Porn” is being presented. I’m sure that there’s much better erotica and porn out there, but if someone wants to waste their money…

Twelve years a boy

Some of you may have heard about the film Boyhood and all of the accolades that it’s gotten, for some reason. If you’re a film critic, you love this movie because it took twelve years to make and no other film has charted boyhood and growing up in a similar manner before. You’ll become engrossed in the story of a boring child who turns into an Emo that you can’t stand who’s surrounded by far more interesting characters. You won’t get to spend much time with the more interesting characters, you’ll get to watch the “star” of the film: recite bad dialogue, party, not actually learn any lessons, and become a loser who’s interested in photography. You’ll most certainly be able to draw parallels between Mason’s extremely interesting (and fake) life experiences and your own pathetic existence and/or childhood.

This film most certainly deserved to win a Golden Globe for best picture. Obviously, no other films were more deserving, nothing else at all came out that was more interesting or had a real/better plot. Remember, it’s a big deal because it took twelve years to make. Richard Linklater certainly deserves more cash for producing such a thought provoking and original film. Speaking of provoking thoughts, let’s ask some film experts just how great Boyhood was shall we?

But of course, Boyhood was a superior film to Guardians of the Galaxy.

Critics, they always make the right calls.

Just keep the laughs coming Brian Williams

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By now you’ve probably heard about NBC news anchor Brian Williams lying, I mean “mis-remembering” a story he gave about his helicopter being shot at with an RPG.and spending some nights in the desert. What’s most amazing about this is that there are people actually willing to defend Brian Williams over what is an easily verifiable lie. I really feel that if I was in a helicopter that got shot at by an RPG and was stuck in the desert I probably wouldn’t get that mixed up with something else. It’s just so amazingly stupid, Williams had little to gain and everything to lose by making up and continuously repeating such a bogus story. For anyone who’s interested in looking up other false claims from NBC staff Breitbart has pointed out several lies and inconsistencies.

Perhaps leftists will blame the Koch brothers or “Faux” News somehow. I’m sure that the Kos kids will try to find a way to absolve Williams. We should all just get off our high horse. Posted below is what one of the men actually on the damaged helicopter had to say:

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Posted below is the response of Brian Williams:

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Here’s a video of Brian Williams pushing his narrative in 2013:

Here’s Brian Williams’ apology for the “fog of memory”:

Anyway, enjoy the photos and get a good laugh out of a prominent man aiding in his own demise with idiotic statements. Truth be told, I think that Brian Williams is a pretty good fit for NBC.

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Critical acclaim for one of Adam Sandler’s latest films, Grown Ups 2!

While this film is not really new being released back in 2013, Grown Ups 2 is a great film. Adam Sandler, David Spade and Sandler’s other friends just keep the laughs coming. You might be thinking that since the last several Adam Sandler films have been lazy, formulaic, uninspired and appeal to the lowest common denominator, but you’d be wrong about this film my friend! While a few things in it might be corny, it’s just a movie so learn to have some fun. Just pull the stick out of your rear-end and enjoy the film. Mike and Jay over at Red Letter Media have many great things to say about this film. They found so many good and humorous things in this film that their review of Grown Ups 2 lasts a whole two minutes and fifty-three seconds. If the U.S. box office can give Sandler another 133 million, just accept it. Don’t forget to watch the whole Grown Ups 2 review.

While you’re at it, don’t forget to also watch Red Letter Media’s critical acclaim for Star Wars Episodes I, II and III. You’ll be glad that you watched them, I know that I most certainly found much joy in the aforementioned Star Wars reviews. Enjoy!

Bonus Round, here’s the Honest Trailer for Grown Ups.

Al Sharpton found a new source of racism, The Oscar Awards!

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Maybe Al Sharpton was having a slow day, perhaps all of the world’s other problems are solved or more likely he just needed someone else to shakedown. Charlatan, er uh, Reverend Al Sharpton is calling for an emergency meeting to discuss the “appalling” Oscar nominations because this year, no black people were nominated. Sharpton quipped that “The movie industry is like the Rocky Mountains, the higher you get, the whiter it gets”. Even though The Oscars’ president Cheryl Isaacs is black, she’s a racist that has considerable trouble recognizing diversity. I wonder, what exactly does Al Sharpton intend to promulgate at this meeting? How to make money of this perceived slight, how to get people fired, how to talk to a teleprompter or just how to be a racist in general. Al Sharpton would never ever be racist himself right? Perpetuating a false rape case or anti-Semitic riots would be beneath him.

Obviously, Cheryl Isaacs is a racist pig who profits off the suffering of others.
Obviously, Cheryl Isaacs is a racist pig who profits off the suffering of others.

I’m sure that Sharpton has a great solution, and I’m not talking about another way for him to make even more money and add on to his $4.5 million in back taxes. I can see it now, affirmative action for The Oscars. They’ll be awards specifically for homosexuals, African-Americans, Asian-Americans, Hispanics and award for Al Sharpton himself every year (No better way to avoid lawsuits and protests). Who cares about real talent, nothing but race matters and you’re a cis, racist and evil white man if you believe otherwise. If you don’t happen to be a white man, you must be a “race-traitor” and obviously aren’t thinking left, I mean straight.

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Al Sharpton shall surely bring more laughs for years to come. It seems as though Al Sharpton will also be able to make money off of the suffering and anguish of others sadly enough, for quite a long time. Perhaps one day he’ll stop being such a racist agitator but then again, I might also see pigs grow wings and fly into outer space. Maybe I’ll get sued by the National Action Network (NAN) just for typing this up? As with many of the links from Yahoo! I post up, don’t forget to read the comments. I hope that you all enjoy the photos!

Yahoo! Finance-Al Sharpton Calls For Emergency Meeting To Address “Appalling” All-White Oscar Nominees

Business Insider-Twitter Had An Incredible Reaction To This Year’s All-White Oscar Nominees

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