Category: cinema

The Drinker fixes Fat Thor and Luke Skywalker

There aren’t too many theaters open right now because of the Chinese Flu (or our response to it) but that doesn’t mean we can’t make fun of some terrible creative choices in big-budget films right? One of the channels that I’ve started to frequent more recently is The Critical Drinker and it’s a great channel that you should check out when you have the chance. The Drinker’s latest projects are to think of coherent and far better ways of writing how titular and beloved characters that have been emasculated/ruined by Disney® and its incompetent “creative” decisions. The videos are quite well done and the possibilities to fix the numerous character inconsistencies should have been apparent to a large team receiving hundreds of millions of dollars to make these films. But, I suppose that Disney’s® Marvel™  and LucasFilm™ needed to force certain characters down our throat and add some diversity in the worst ways possible. Enough of my ranting though, enjoy these awesome videos and their acerbic wit!

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Jeff Lebowski, is that you?

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Buy! Consume product! Question nothing! Submit!

Endless trash from Disney’s Star Wars

Buy everything! Question nothing! Consume product! Just buy more Disney’s© LucasFilm™ toys, DVDs, Disney+ access, and just accept what is being pushed on you. I could state my opinions on the latest Star Wars trilogy but why bother when so many others can do so much more exquisetly? I watched The Force Awakens and was mildly satisfied while watching it and found The Last Jedi to be confusing and awful (Disney’s© LucasFilm’s™ strange anti-capitalist message was more than a little ironic to me). In light of this I’m not even going to the theater to see the latest product from Disney’s© LucasFilm™ and am just watching some reviews of it instead. I liked them quite a lot and I hope that you find them entertaining as well, enjoy!

Red Letter Media is simply amazing!

Remember: “They can fly now!!!

The Rise of Skywalker predictions video

Well everybody, yet another Star Wars movies is about to be released so that means it is time for another Red Letter Media prediction video about The Rise of Skywalker! I have written before what I think about how this film will turn out but now Mike and Rich have attempted to perceive what will happen in what has turned into an over-bloated Disney disaster of a commercial project and I want to spread the news of this far and wide. I think that I will see this film just to watch what J.J. Abrams does to try and salvage the Star Wars film series. I think that it will be hilarious…

 

The future is DUST

One of the more interesting YouTube channels that I have stumbled upon recently is a science fiction outfit called “DUST. Almost all of the films are under twenty minutes long and are typically left with a conclusion for the viewer to contemplate on their own rather than having a definite ending; the film embedded below being a very notable exception:

The short films more typically do not have a definite resolution and are much more open-ended:

If I remember correctly, this was the first film I saw featured on this channel:

Here is one more film that I greatly enjoyed just for good measure:

The channel “DUST” is well worth your time and I highly recommend it to everyone!

No One’s Ever Really Gone

The Star Wars Episode IX teaser trailer just came out and boy am I amazed at how invested the fanboys are into what has become a soulless Disney product. I don’t get the reaction videos that I’ve watched. There are a lot of good movies out there that I really enjoy but I don’t understand crying to a teaser trailer where people that you thought were dead come back to life. What can I really say about Star Wars that others haven’t already said in a far superior manner? I believe that I can allow the following videos and images speak for themselves…

How soy-filled can one man be?

I feel as though Mister Metokur has a pretty good take on the preceding man-baby:

Anyway, how is your sex life?

Have any of you ever watched The Room? It must be one of the best so bad it’s good movies ever created in all of human history. Tommy Wiseau is just as bad at acting as he is at screenwriting and directing but The Room is simply a masterpiece that you should watch at least once in your life. It even seems like Tommy’s voice is dubbed over but I don’t care, it just adds to the hilarity of the film. In the following video you will see one of the most incredible pieces of dialogue in cinematic history:

Funny enough, the New York Times wants to know about your high school sex life (only if you’re a man though) in an opinion piece titled: Men, Tell Us About Your Sex Life. This is an interactive article in which you get to describe your sexual experiences with women in during your younger years and explain if/how your opinions and thoughts have changed over time:

Did you ever, as a teenager or younger man, behave toward women in ways you may now regret? If so, how? And how has that experience stayed with you over the years? *

How old were you when you had this experience? *

Have standards of what constitutes unacceptable behavior changed since then? Have you? *

How old are you? In what year did you graduate? *

What is your name? It will not be published without your permission. *

What is your email? It will not be published. *

The real kicker to all of these great questions are the Reader Submission Terms. Of course, no one would think to troll the New York Times right? Here are the terms “of note“:

  • Your Content must not be false, defamatory, misleading or hateful or infringe any copyright or any other third party rights or otherwise be unlawful.
  • We will use the contact details that you provide to verify your identity and answers to the questionnaire, as well as to contact you for further information on this story. If we publish Your Content, we may include your name and location.

I can’t think of too many men who would seriously respond to these questions other than the few  simps, soyboys and cucks that bother subscribing to the New York Times. I don’t think that anyone at the New York Times understands how large numbers of Internet users would respond to these intrusive questions. The left doesn’t just want in your wallet anymore, it wants to control what you do in your bed as well. I suppose that these “men” would answer such questions:

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Voxis Production’s “The Predator” Review

A few days ago I wrote a short post about my cringe-inducing viewing experience of The Predator and how absolutely terrible it was. During the process of writing that post one of the better film reviews I’ve seen recently was taken down just a few hours after being posted. I guess that non-nudity was too much for someone to handle. It’s made by a growing channel on YouTube called Voxis Productions that does some pretty good work and is well worth your time.

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Alright, I promise I’ll stop talking about the Predator franchise for a while now. I just can’t stand how many terrible sequels that there have been to the first amazing film. I even thought that the second movie still held up pretty well and built on the lore in nice ways. Go to hell Hollywood. I do have one last thought roiling in my mind before I leave this films series though: can Hollywood be consistent on sexual predators? A scene that had a man by the name of Steve Wilder (sex offender who actually served some time) was cut from the movie right before its release. Why does Hollywood accept convicted rapist Roman Polanski who fled the country to escape prosecution though? Just some food for thought I suppose.

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I just saw “The Predator”

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I just saw The Predator a few nights ago and it was pretty awful. Where to start with this terrible, mind-numbing film? Is it the bad CGI of the spaceships chasing each other? Is it the fact that one of the Predators wanted to save humanity while simultaneously killing every human he passed by? Is it the fact that all of the horror and suspense elements have seemingly been replaced by bad lines and terrible, non-stop, and just confusing humor and jokes? The fact that a child with Asperger’s is a savant (oh yeah, it’s “the next step of human evolution“) that can in a few hours decipher an alien language and fully understand how to use technology developed by the Predators? Do you like references? Well I hope you do, because this movie is full of them (“Get to the choppers!” “You are one beautiful motherfucker.“) The tone of the movie was just so confusing and contrived; did Shane Black really star in the first Predator film? I don’t think he understands what made the first film the masterpiece that it is. I guess what a Predator film needed was humans jumping on a spaceship that can fly faster than any human jet or a man with Tourette syndrome for the sole purpose of comic relief (which magically goes away whenever the script demands it).

What more could you possibly ask for in a film?

Thoughts on “The Predator” Final Trailer

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What’s Hollywood up to today? How about another Predator film but this time I can’t even tell how I’m supposed to feel about it. The final trailer has rap music and almost makes the film feel like a comedy. It wasn’t enough for Fox to produce AVP and AVP Requiem, now it needs to feel like a slapstick with a bunch of comedic gags. So much for that feeling of horror and suspense, what we need is excessive CGI effects and constant jokes. Maybe they’ll just stop one of these days? I’ll watch this movie tomorrow anyway just to see if it turns out horrible or as a decent film.

I mean, it can’t be worse than Slenderman:

Neil Breen is back!

Neil Breen is back with a work of sheer Breeness that must be seen to be believed. The new Breen film Twisted Pair looks like it will be even more amazing than his other films. Neil Breen isn’t just in the movie as one man anymore, now there’s two people to play as God Space Jesus world’s best hacker best spy ever Neil Breen.

For those of you who don’t know how astounding and awesome Neil Breen and his films are you should take a look at Rich Evans trying to describe the plot of Double Down on Red Letter Media’s Best of the Worst:

More people need to learn about this man and his wonderful films. More people need to learn about how amazing Neil Breen is at everything he does and how he’s also Space Jesus:

Please, pay this man’s website a visit. He even has an AOL e-mail account!

Buy his films now!!!