Category: cinema

Anyway, how is your sex life?

Have any of you ever watched The Room? It must be one of the best so bad it’s good movies ever created in all of human history. Tommy Wiseau is just as bad at acting as he is at screenwriting and directing but The Room is simply a masterpiece that you should watch at least once in your life. It even seems like Tommy’s voice is dubbed over but I don’t care, it just adds to the hilarity of the film. In the following video you will see one of the most incredible pieces of dialogue in cinematic history:

Funny enough, the New York Times wants to know about your high school sex life (only if you’re a man though) in an opinion piece titled: Men, Tell Us About Your Sex Life. This is an interactive article in which you get to describe your sexual experiences with women in during your younger years and explain if/how your opinions and thoughts have changed over time:

Did you ever, as a teenager or younger man, behave toward women in ways you may now regret? If so, how? And how has that experience stayed with you over the years? *

How old were you when you had this experience? *

Have standards of what constitutes unacceptable behavior changed since then? Have you? *

How old are you? In what year did you graduate? *

What is your name? It will not be published without your permission. *

What is your email? It will not be published. *

The real kicker to all of these great questions are the Reader Submission Terms. Of course, no one would think to troll the New York Times right? Here are the terms “of note“:

  • Your Content must not be false, defamatory, misleading or hateful or infringe any copyright or any other third party rights or otherwise be unlawful.
  • We will use the contact details that you provide to verify your identity and answers to the questionnaire, as well as to contact you for further information on this story. If we publish Your Content, we may include your name and location.

I can’t think of too many men who would seriously respond to these questions other than the few  simps, soyboys and cucks that bother subscribing to the New York Times. I don’t think that anyone at the New York Times understands how large numbers of Internet users would respond to these intrusive questions. The left doesn’t just want in your wallet anymore, it wants to control what you do in your bed as well. I suppose that these “men” would answer such questions:

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Voxis Production’s “The Predator” Review

A few days ago I wrote a short post about my cringe-inducing viewing experience of The Predator and how absolutely terrible it was. During the process of writing that post one of the better film reviews I’ve seen recently was taken down just a few hours after being posted. I guess that non-nudity was too much for someone to handle. It’s made by a growing channel on YouTube called Voxis Productions that does some pretty good work and is well worth your time.

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Alright, I promise I’ll stop talking about the Predator franchise for a while now. I just can’t stand how many terrible sequels that there have been to the first amazing film. I even thought that the second movie still held up pretty well and built on the lore in nice ways. Go to hell Hollywood. I do have one last thought roiling in my mind before I leave this films series though: can Hollywood be consistent on sexual predators? A scene that had a man by the name of Steve Wilder (sex offender who actually served some time) was cut from the movie right before its release. Why does Hollywood accept convicted rapist Roman Polanski who fled the country to escape prosecution though? Just some food for thought I suppose.

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I just saw “The Predator”

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I just saw The Predator a few nights ago and it was pretty awful. Where to start with this terrible, mind-numbing film? Is it the bad CGI of the spaceships chasing each other? Is it the fact that one of the Predators wanted to save humanity while simultaneously killing every human he passed by? Is it the fact that all of the horror and suspense elements have seemingly been replaced by bad lines and terrible, non-stop, and just confusing humor and jokes? The fact that a child with Asperger’s is a savant (oh yeah, it’s “the next step of human evolution“) that can in a few hours decipher an alien language and fully understand how to use technology developed by the Predators? Do you like references? Well I hope you do, because this movie is full of them (“Get to the choppers!” “You are one beautiful motherfucker.“) The tone of the movie was just so confusing and contrived; did Shane Black really star in the first Predator film? I don’t think he understands what made the first film the masterpiece that it is. I guess what a Predator film needed was humans jumping on a spaceship that can fly faster than any human jet or a man with Tourette syndrome for the sole purpose of comic relief (which magically goes away whenever the script demands it).

What more could you possibly ask for in a film?

Thoughts on “The Predator” Final Trailer

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What’s Hollywood up to today? How about another Predator film but this time I can’t even tell how I’m supposed to feel about it. The final trailer has rap music and almost makes the film feel like a comedy. It wasn’t enough for Fox to produce AVP and AVP Requiem, now it needs to feel like a slapstick with a bunch of comedic gags. So much for that feeling of horror and suspense, what we need is excessive CGI effects and constant jokes. Maybe they’ll just stop one of these days? I’ll watch this movie tomorrow anyway just to see if it turns out horrible or as a decent film.

I mean, it can’t be worse than Slenderman:

Neil Breen is back!

Neil Breen is back with a work of sheer Breeness that must be seen to be believed. The new Breen film Twisted Pair looks like it will be even more amazing than his other films. Neil Breen isn’t just in the movie as one man anymore, now there’s two people to play as God Space Jesus world’s best hacker best spy ever Neil Breen.

For those of you who don’t know how astounding and awesome Neil Breen and his films are you should take a look at Rich Evans trying to describe the plot of Double Down on Red Letter Media’s Best of the Worst:

More people need to learn about this man and his wonderful films. More people need to learn about how amazing Neil Breen is at everything he does and how he’s also Space Jesus:

Please, pay this man’s website a visit. He even has an AOL e-mail account!

Buy his films now!!!

Hunter Killer (2018): Movie of the Year?

The men who brought you Olympus Has Fallen have got together once more to bring you another fine film with a story driven plot: Hunter Killer (2018)! The plot of saving the Russian President from a coup and bringing him onto a submarine looks like it will be as realistic as all of the actions performed by the submarines and Navy SEALs in the trailer. They even throw in an ooh-rah at the end of the trailer, what a fine touch!

The most realistic shot of a submarine ever put onto film.

Then there’s this amazing film synopsis from Fandango. Doesn’t this movie just look like it’s going to be amazing?!

Synopsis

An untested American submarine captain teams with U.S. Navy Seals to rescue the Russian president, who has been kidnapped by a rogue general.

Provided by Rovi

On a non-sarcastic note, this film looks like it might be a so bad it’s good film or some good, fun, action schlock straight out of the 1980s.

I did not edit this poster; they all say “Common” to the right of Gary Oldman.

Disney’s Star Wars Han Solo Standalone Movie Ideas

Another year passes, another Star Wars movie gets to be made. This time there’s going to be a “standalone” film about Han Solo that takes place at some point in time with a plot that will probably be total garbage. These movies just need to stop being made and there’s really nothing I can say that Rich and Mike won’t do in a much funnier way. Disney sucks:

 

Bonus video:

Scientist Man explains Ghostbusters (2016)

Did you dislike the new Ghostbusters film? If so, you’re an overweight, virginal, Ku Klux Klan, basement dwelling, toy-unboxer who hates women and black people.   Remember, you aren’t allowed to have your own opinions if they contradict against feminism. Let us listen to Scientist Man as he analyzes and explains the new Ghostbusters film in great detail:

If you have some extra time, feel free to enjoy this Half in the Bag episode:

Some of the best comments:

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It’s simply amazing that a film like Ghostbusters was politicized and turned into some sort of fight against “misogyny” and “patriarchy.” This is where we’re at; this is where feminists have brought us. What came first: the feminist angle or just a bad film? Why not both at the same time?

A new Star Wars film is upon us…

The Force Awakens is about to be shown in theaters and luckily, it has zero influence from George Lucas. Will this new Star Wars movie be good? Will it be a salve upon the mental wounds caused by the awful prequels? Will the characters in The Force Awakens at least be somewhat likable? Will the plot move beyond what a ten-year old would write? Only time will tell but in the meantime let’s look at what Mr. Plinkett has to say about the prequels. If you haven’t watched these Red Letter Media productions you need to. If you’re wrong and think that the prequels were better Mr. Plinkett will prove you wrong. Enjoy, learn, and be mesmerized by the magic of Mr. Plinkett!

Don’t be an idiot hipster like the Nostalgia Critic:

Welcome back, Star Wars!

Are you ready for more sequels this movie season? It doesn’t matter since it’s happening anyway! Are you ready to see more Star Wars merchandise than ever before? If not, get ready to see as much stuff from the movie as possible turned into toys, video games, and other products. But hey, at least George Lucas doesn’t have anything to do with the Star Wars franchise anymore. Hopefully, J.J. Abrams won’t pull a Jar-Jar. Enjoy!